She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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