I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
