Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
