I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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