like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
