How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
