my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
