The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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