I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
