Three words: puerto rican gang bang
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
