What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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