wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
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