Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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