You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
