You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
