do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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