I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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