Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
