You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
