Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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