remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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