On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Dick very happy bro
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
