why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
