Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
