Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
