Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
