On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
he puts the penis in happiness.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
