Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
