I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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