Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
