he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
