I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
