I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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