Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
