you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
