your parents love me but you hate me
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Randomize
