PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
