Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
