Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
