My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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