my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
