Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
