And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Randomize
