peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
