Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
