sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Floor bacon is actually really good
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
