i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
