i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
