Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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