i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
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