She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
