to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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