we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
