This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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