It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
