I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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