Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
