That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
