Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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