She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Everyone says I win the strip club
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
