I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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